For the Memories
by banduraqueen
Summary: After Giles' second year in Sunnydale, he has more regrets than he could bear. He takes some drastic action, it doesn't go at all as planned, and Buffy ends up somewhere totally different than where she thought she was running to. Eventually BG
1. Chapter 1

There is indeed such a thing as destiny. We are all fated to a certain end. What we have a choice of is how we get there. There are an infinite number of paths, all leading to the same place. They converge at certain points along the way and then branch off again. Some of them are lined with joys and triumphs, others with pain and regret. 

By the end of his second year in Sunnydale, Giles had more regrets than he could bear.

When he had returned to the Council in his early twenties, Giles had vowed that he would make amends for what he had done. He would do what he was supposed to, rather than the opposite. He would fight evil rather than court it. He would help save lives, not help end them. Everything about his rebellion became abhorrent to him. From then on he would strive to be stalwart and true; a true hero.

By the end of his second year in Sunnydale, Giles was breaking under the weight of his failure. Jenny was dead and Buffy was gone. He decided to do something about it.

There was a spell that allowed one to travel back to the time one regretted most and change it. It was complicated and dark and called for infants' bones and one's own blood, but Giles got what he needed and went to the library to perform the spell at midnight. It called for precise conditions: isolation, steadiness and concentration. But Giles couldn't keep his mind still. It was filled with a tumult of "if onlies"... _I hadn't left her alone... I had staked him when I had the chance... I hadn't caved in to her tricks... I had been a better person, perhaps this is all punishment for those wasted years_... And then there was a wind and flashes of light that blinded him, but in his mind he could see Jenny at her computer as he said goodbye, and _her_ kneeling before him in the mansion, and Angel pulling a crossbow bolt from his shoulder, and Randal being consumed by Eyghon. And then it was over and he was still in the library.

The spell hadn't worked. He had failed at that too.

xxx

Waiting for the bus, Buffy realized she hadn't brought any weapons with her. But she was, after all, _leaving_ the Hellmouth, What would she need weapons for?

She was leaving the Hellmouth to go to LA. And considering her earning potential, it wasn't too likely she'd be living on the side of the hill she was used to. Weapons might actually come in handy. 

Then there was the fact that being weaponless made her feel all the more helpless. She remembered to bring Mr. Gordo along, but even he wasn't as comforting to have around as a couple of stakes and a battle axe. 

Buffy decided to postpone her trip a day. She couldn't go back home to her own weapons chest; there was no guarantee that her mom wouldn't be there, lying in wait. She had told Buffy to not even think about coming back, and Buffy didn't intend to. Instead she would go to the library. She'd break in during the night, when no one would be there, and take a few things from the book cage. 

With this plan in mind, Buffy spent the day at the coffee shop next to the bus terminal, staring out the window and trying not to think of Angel. 

Buffy knew that it wasn't unusual for Giles to hang around the library long after the school had closed, so it was midnight by the time she broke in through the stacks. She didn't bother being quiet because she didn't think anyone would be around, and even if they were, she could take them on. 

But someone was around. As she neared the main library Buffy saw that it was filled with sparks and flashing lights. It was like there was a strobe light going, it gave her a headache. There were voices yelling, but Buffy couldn't make them out, they were drowned by a high-pitched wind. She crept carefully forward and was surprised to see Giles sitting cross-legged on the floor. She didn't have time to think about what he was doing before she was distracted by the ghostly images that were circling around him. There was Angel, and Ms. Calendar, and the monster Buffy recognized as Eyghon. She stumbled backwards as that one swooped down at her, but she couldn't escape it. 

She felt like she was hit by a truck. 

It was daytime, and Buffy was in a run-down part of town. It wasn't a town she recognized though. The buildings were older than any she had seen before. They seemed so close together, and the streets so narrow. Buffy was only starting to notice the clothes and to marvel at their ugliness (the retro look seemed to be big here, wherever "here" was) when she heard a vaguely familiar voice behind her. 

"Did you see his face? He was totally freaking out." 

Buffy turned around and saw two young men, in about their early twenties coming towards her. They were wearing torn jeans and grungy T-shirts and both looked familiar in a weird way. 

"Almost made it worth the trouble," the slightly shorter one continued saying. He had a long nose and beady eyes. Right away, Buffy knew she didn't like him. 

"You don't know what you're talking about, this is worth all that trouble and more," the other one said, holding up an old, leather-bound book. 

Buffy stared at him; he couldn't possibly be who she thought he was. 

"You think LSD is a trip, wait 'til you try what's in here." 

The first one shrugged. "Yeah, whatever. You're the watcher." 

"Don't call me that," he growled. Then he noticed the blonde gawking at him and did a double-take. He looked her over and smiled a little. He was just about to say something, but she spoke first. 

"Oh my God," she said, looking absolutely shocked. "_Giles?_" 


	2. Chapter 2

Giles stared at Buffy, completely taken aback. 

The young man Buffy now realized was Ethan Rayne sniggered. "_Giles_." 

"Shut up," Giles snapped at him. 

Ethan smirked. 

He turned back to Buffy, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "I'm called Ripper." 

Buffy looked at him incredulously. "Yeah, right, I'm going to call you that. In a totally never kind of way." 

He frowned indignantly. 

"Now's so not the time for name games, Giles," Buffy continued. "We need to figure out what the hell is going on. I just walked into the library and one of those ghost-things from the spell you were doing like, _whooshed_ at me," she made a whooshing movement with her hand. Giles looked even more confused. "And then _boom_. It's a blast from your past, and oh my God…" Buffy's eyes widened as Giles' blank expression suddenly made sense to her. "You don't even know who I am, do you?" 

"Um…" He looked like he was trying to place her face. 

"Oh, let me guess," Ethan jumped in genially. "Party last Friday?" 

"Shut up, Ethan," Buffy said harshly. 

For a split second Ethan looked hurt, and then his eyes flashed angrily. "Watch it, bint." 

"_What_?" 

"You don't talk to me like that." 

"What's you're deal? You didn't get all pissy at Giles." 

"Stop calling me that." Giles said irately. 

"He's my mate. You're just some girl." Ethan looked at her in a way that made Buffy feel icky, and then mad. 

She managed to stifle her anger for the moment. "Looks like I'm going to have to introduce myself all over again, then. I'm Buffy." 

Ethan had barely started to laugh at her name when she socked him. Not hard enough to knock him out, but enough that he fell over. 

"Hey!" Giles yelled, stepping forward. 

Buffy grabbed his shirt and slammed him into the brick wall of the alley. "I'm the Vampire Slayer." She looked up at Giles. "I'm _your_ Vampire Slayer." 

Buffy thought she saw out of the corner of her eye, something moving in the shadows. She wouldn't have been curious to find out what kind of things hung out in alleys in this part of London even if she didn't already have more pressing issues on her mind. 

She turned her attention back to Giles; he was looking at her like she was insane. She expected him to ask where she came from, or how she knew who he was, but he didn't. 

"I am _not_ a watcher," he said vehemently, and pushed Buffy away. He started off down the street without even waiting for Ethan to get up. 

Buffy ran after him. "You aren't _now_. You dropped out of Oxford and are doing the whole sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll cliché – which, by the way, _so_ lame – but you're going to go back, and you're going to be my watcher." She stepped in front of him, blocking his way. "I'm from the future." 

Giles stared at her. Then he started laughing. Buffy was getting frustrated enough to cry. 

Ethan caught up with them. "What's so funny?" 

"She's from the future." 

"Oh?" He turned to Buffy. "Did you bring your flying car with you?" 

"Do all the girls dress like you in the future?" Giles asked, looking at Buffy objectively and taking in her baggy sweatshirt and overalls. "Can't say I'm looking forward to that." 

Buffy punched him. 

Ethan winced in sympathy. She glared at him, but he had already backed away from her, not wanting to get another demonstration of her strength. She turned back to Giles, who was rubbing his jaw. 

"Are you going to at least admit that I'm the slayer?" 

"Yeah. Fine," he replied tersely, glaring at her. "But no way in hell am I your watcher." 

"Then how do you explain how I know who you are? How I know what's going to happen to you?" Buffy demanded, her volume rising. 

Giles looked liked he might be considering it. 

"Probably made all that up," Ethan remarked. 

"_You're_ going to come to a big pile of no good." 

"Sounds like fun." 

Buffy glared at Ethan, but otherwise ignored him. She turned back to Giles. "I know other stuff about you too. I know about Eyghon." 

"What-gone?" 

"Eyghon?" Buffy repeated, doubting she remembered the name correctly. Giles was still looking at her with a blank expression. "You summon this demon that possesses you to get high." 

"No I don't." 

"Sounds like we should look into it though," Ethan said. 

Giles laughed. "Yeah, thanks for the tip." 

Buffy felt desperate. She started pacing. "Yeah, well when you do you're going to get your friend… Randal, your going to get him killed." 

That got Giles' attention. He looked at her seriously, worried and a little scared. "How can you know that?" 

"Because you told me!" Buffy searched her mind for any other personal information Giles ever told her about himself. "You also told me that… that when you were ten your dad told you, you were going to be a watcher and gave you a speech about duty and responsibility and… and before that you wanted to be a fighter pilot or-or a grocer!" 

Giles stared at her, agog. 

Ethan burst out laughing. 

Giles turned on him. "Shut up." 

Ethan looked twice as delighted. "It's _true_?" 

Giles rolled his eyes and cursed. 

"Giles the grocer…" Ethan giggled. 

Giles ignored him and glared at Buffy. "What do you want from me?" 

"You have to help me find a way back." 

"How am I supposed to do that?" he asked, incredulous. 

"You're Giles! You're supposed to be all knowledgy!"

He looked at her with his eyebrows raised. "Am I?" 

Buffy frowned. "I guess you got all of that after you went back to school." She sighed. "Don't you have any magic books at all?" 

"Yeah, some, but I'm pretty sure nothing with spells like that." 

Buffy sighed again in frustration and ran her hands through her hair. "Maybe one of them will at least, I dunno, point us in the right direction. It would be a start." 

Giles shrugged. "Okay. C'mon," he said reluctantly and started down the sidewalk. Buffy followed him. 

"Wait." Ethan had finally stopped laughing. He ran after his friend. "You're bringing her _home_?" 

xxx 

Angel scrambled quickly into the deepest shadows of the alley. What was with the sudden scene change? Last thing he remembered was getting hit in the shoulder with a crossbow bolt and Giles – _Giles_ of all people – coming at him with a flaming baseball bat. Now it was suddenly day, in an alley he didn't really recognize, and there was someone walking by, a few feet away from him who seemed awfully familiar… 

Angel was able to follow Buffy and Giles' conversation – or, argument, or whatever you want to call it – even if he wasn't able to follow them out of the shadows of the alley. Vampire hearing is good for that. 

So, he had somehow been sent back in time. It was an inconvenience, of course, but he had a couple of demons in mind that he could talk to who could put things right again. You don't earn yourself a name like "the Scourge of Europe" without making a few friends in high places along the way. Or, friends in low places, if you want to be literal about it. As long as Buffy was here too, however, Angel wasn't in too much of a rush. He'd get back to the future eventually. But first he'd have a little fun. 


	3. Chapter 3

"You live here?" Buffy asked as she, Giles and Ethan made their way down the stairs to the basement of what was probably the grungiest apartment building Buffy had ever seen. She had been in sewers that she would rather call home than this place.

"Yeah," Giles replied, his voice bristling with hostility.

"If it's not good enough for you, feel free to leave," Ethan added.

"No, no. It's fine." Buffy smiled falsely.

Giles opened the door to their apartment and led the way in. The walls were yellowing and crumbling away in places. On one of the walls it looked like someone had started to paint a mural but had given up half-way through. The other walls were plastered with posters. Buffy couldn't tell if the pattern on the linoleum floor was worn away, or concealed under layers of grime. What there was of furniture was mismatched. Buffy guessed that half of it was scavenged, and the other half stolen. There were two other doorways leading out of the room. One of them had an actual door, the other was hung with strings of beads. The room was dimly lit by sunlight filtering in through the tiny windows, a lava lamp, and a black light.

"Wow. Yechedelic," Buffy murmured.

Two other young men came forward from the far end of the room.

"Hey, Ripper," one of them nodded casually. He was so skinny he was almost skeletal, had long brown hair, and a scraggly beard.

"Hey man," Giles answered.

"Book?"

Giles tossed him the book he had stolen that day.

He caught it and started flipping through it. "Cool." He walked off and slumped down on the floor against the wall, studying the book intently.

The other man was more of a boy. He had dark hair and still hadn't quite lost all his baby fat. He looked Buffy over and smiled. "Hey baby."

Buffy scowled at him and turned to Giles. He was giving the boy a warning look.

"Are you going to do introductions, or are we just jumping straight to the creepy come-ons?" Buffy asked.

"Phillip." Giles indicated the dark-haired boy. "Randal." He pointed to the man studying the book. Randal didn't even look up. Giles draped his arm over Buffy's shoulders. "Buffy."

Buffy gave him a look and pushed him away. Giles shrugged, trying to be cool. He took a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from his pocket and lit one up.

Phillip seemed to take Buffy's actions as a sign of encouragement and smiled at her again. "Hey baby."

She edged away from him.

"Where's Tom?" Ethan asked Phillip.

"Deidre."

"Oh."

"Speak of the devil."

Buffy and Ethan followed Phillip's gaze. A woman had just emerged from between the beaded curtains. She had a long face, very pale skin, and long, strawberry blonde hair. Buffy wasn't sure if what she was wearing would be classified as a house robe or a dress, but it had a sash, an ugly gold and green paisley-type pattern, and was quite short.

"Ripper, I haven't seen you in aaages," she said as she sauntered up to Giles, her big blue eyes half-concealed by sleepy eyelids. She took the cigarette from his mouth, wrapped her arms around him and kissed him deeply.

"You haven't seen me in a while either," Ethan said hopefully. He didn't get any response. He turned to Buffy. "That's Deidre."

"Figured that out. Thanks." Buffy said sarcastically. "Hey, Giles, we gotta do the research thing, remember?"

Giles didn't answer. Deidre pulled back from him.

"Got some acid," she said.

"Cool," Giles replied, and let Deidre start to lead him to the other room.

"_Giles!_"

"Giles..." Deidre mocked Buffy's tone and started giggling.

Giles rolled his eyes and turned to Buffy. "Books are over there." He pointed to a pile of leather-bound volumes by the far wall. "Knock yourself out."

"You're supposed to help me," Buffy protested.

"Got better things to do right now." He turned back to Deidre.

She held him off and turned to Buffy, "If you're feeling left out, you can join us."

Giles looked Buffy over, a slight smile playing about his lips.

She just stared at them, too disgusted to form words. Then she turned and headed for the books. She heard Giles and Deidre laughing at her as they went into the other room.

Buffy settled down, cross-legged on the floor, between the pile of books and the lava lamp. She opened a book on her lamp and stared determinedly at it, her hands over her ears in a pre-emptive move to block out any sounds that might be heard from the next room. She didn't actually read, however. She was concentrating too hard on trying not to cry.

At first she was glad the others left her alone, but being left alone, she couldn't help her thoughts from drifting to Angel.

Buffy kept her head down so that no one would notice the tears running down her face.

After a while, Buffy was finally able to gather a hold of herself and actually read the book in front of her. It distracted her from her guilt and pain and loneliness. She worked her way through half the books without finding anything that looked the slightest bit useful. But she didn't get discouraged. After all, if there was a spell that could send her into the past, there had to be a spell that could send her into the future, and if there was a spell, then that spell was findable. She would find it eventually.

Buffy looked up from the book she was currently poring over. The only light in the room now was the glow of the lava lamp and the black light, and her eyes were tired. Randal was a few feet away, still immersed in his own volume, and Ethan and Phillip were at the other end of the room, huddled over another book. They seemed to keep glancing surreptitiously in Buffy's direction. She wasn't particularly bothered by this, however.

Eventually, Ethan came over and sat down in front of her. "You don't like me much, do you?" he asked.

"Sharp observation, there, Ethan," Buffy replied sarcastically. She felt a twinge of guilt for being so mean.

Ethan glanced over his shoulder at Philip, and then he turned back to Buffy. "Why not?"

"You're a creep," Buffy said tentatively.

"Oh," Ethan said, making his eyes wide with disappointment. Buffy felt her heart go out to him "But isn't it future-me that's a creep? Not now-me? What have I done so far that's creepy?"

"Well... there was that... and..." Buffy couldn't think of anything. "You got a point," she said penitently.

"So I'm not that bad."

"Guess not. You're actually kinda nice." Buffy smiled as Phillip joined them.

"What about me?" Phillip asked eagerly.

"You're nice too." Buffy smiled brightly. Then her face fell. "You're going to turn into goo."

"What?" Phillip stared.

She looked at him sorrowfully, shaking her head. "It's so sad."

Ethan pushed Phillip away. "Get out of here, you're upsetting her."

"No. Stay." Buffy grabbed Phillip's hand so he couldn't leave. He smiled. "We should all be nice to poor, gooey Phillip while we still have the chance."

Ethan seemed to acquiesce. "True, very true. And do you know what would make gooey Phillip really happy?"

"What?"

"If you're nice to me."

"Oh. Then I'm sorry I hit you before," Buffy said sincerely.

"'Salright. You can make up for it now." He edged closer to her.

"Okay."

Ethan put his arm around her; she let him.

Randal had started to take a mild interest in the scene before him. He was keeping an eye on them.

Phillip frowned. "You know, I'd like it more if you were nice to _me_."

"I can be nice to both of you."

"Yeah, but me first." Buffy smiled as Ethan leaned towards her.

"What's going on?"

Buffy turned from Ethan to see Giles coming in from the other room. He seemed groggy, but Buffy didn't really notice. "Giles!" She cried happily and jumped to her feet. "Hi Giles!"

"Could you not call me—" he started to say as she bounded up to him, but was cut off when she pulled him into a kiss. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back.

"Hullo." He smiled when they finally came up for air. Then he noticed Buffy was giggling uncontrollably. "What's so funny?"

"That was fun."

"Yeah, my fun," Ethan muttered.

Giles glanced over at him, but hadn't quite heard what he said. He turned back to the giggling Buffy. "Are you high?"

"Ew! No way! Drugs squish your brain!" Buffy said adamantly. She looked up at Giles with an inviting smile. "Kiss me again."

"Uh…" He looked at her warily. She moved closer to him and he backed away. "What did you do to her?" He called to Ethan and Phillip.

"Nothing." Ethan laughed, obviously amused by his friend's apprehension.

Giles' back hit the wall.

"Why won't you kiss me?" Buffy asked, pouting.

"You're under a spell." Giles said

"No I'm not." Buffy smiled. She was standing right up against Giles now, and was running her hands over his chest.

Giles gulped. "Yeah, she just suddenly came over all sex-kittenish on her own," he said to Ethan.

"Mreow," Buffy said. She stood on her toes and started nibbling at his ear. He swallowed again.

"Hey, she just really, really likes you. You're her watcher." Ethan laughed.

Buffy pulled away from him, her eyes wide. "Oh my God, if Giles finds out I kissed you he'll totally wig!"

"Yeah. Yeah, he will, so you should stop right now."

Then Buffy laughed. "Silly. You're Giles, and you're not wigging." She leaned towards him.

He tried to hold her back. "Buffy..." She took a hold of his arms and pinned them against the wall. "Ow."

She kissed him again, for a long time. She trailed kisses over his face, down her neck.

"Make her stop," Giles ordered Ethan, trying to be as threatening as possible and failing.

"Why the hell do you want that?"

"Because when she's back to normal, she's going to kill me." There was a genuine note of panic in his voice.

"I'd never kill you." Buffy said, not turning her attention away from his neck.

"Yes you will."

"No, I only kill vampires, and demons, and vampires…" She pulled back from Giles and looked up at him sadly. "Even the nice ones." She kissed him. "I hate them all. I do," she said between kisses. "They're all mean. And what's with the drinking people? I so don't get that. Do you?"

"No," Giles said, still trying to not kiss her back.

Buffy looked at him with bright, sparkling eyes and a mischievous smile. "Can I try drinking you?"

"Uh..." Giles stared. His will power was obviously on its last legs.

Ethan and Phillip were killing themselves laughing.

Buffy started to undo his belt.

"Okay, I _don't_ need to see this," Randal said. He got up and retrieved the book Ethan and Phillip had been using. "Alius beatis," he read.

At once Buffy's bright smile melted into a look of horror. "Oh… oh… oh God…"

Giles watched her nervously as she backed away from him.

Ethan and Phillip were still sniggering on ground. Buffy rounded on them. Before he knew what had happened, Phillip had gotten a kick in the head and was lying unconscious on the floor. Ethan looked up at Buffy in fear. She picked him up by the throat and socked him. He fell down unconscious next to his friend. She gave him an extra kick for good measure.

The room was silent for a moment.

"Um, Buffy… I…" Giles started tentatively.

She didn't even look at him. She just ran out the door and into the night.


End file.
